German

Do you know the german alphabet? There are thirty letters:

a (ä) b c d e f g h i j k l m n o (ö) p q r s (ß) t u (ü) v w x y z

ß is a special german letter. It looks like a »B«
but actually it's an old combination of »s« and »s« or »s« and »z«. So it's called »ess-tset« (»ess« is the german name of »s« and »tset« the name of the letter »z«). (It's similiar to »w«, which is also an old combination of two letters: »double u« or »double v«!)

ß is pronounced like english »s« (in »mouse«) or »c« (in the word »ice«), e.g. groß (»big, great«) = »groce«, beißen (»to bite«) = »bicen«. (German s is pronounced normally like english »z«, and german z like »ts«.)

When a short vowel is followed by a consonant in German you use »double consonants« (bb, ff, ll, mm, etc.) Instead of kk you use ck, instead of zz you use tz, and instead of ßß you use ss.
So »groß« is pronounced with a long »o«, but »Boss« (»boss«) is pronounced with a short »o«.

Germany produces fine automobiles, guns, cameras, wine, and of course beer (and many other wonderful products, I'm sure).

Too bad I never learned German language. I did take three years of French in high school though. Someday maybe I'll learn German. And Spanish. And maybe even Japanese. Then I will know what they are saying in the anime cartoons. Maybe I should rent the anime videos with subtitles. But I like the accent too well.

I do hope that my english isn't so bad, but i wrote an A in the last test! And according to an Website of some-english-speaking-institute i achieved the Advanced Learner's level.
By the way, i'm German and i don't wear leather-pants (Lederhosen) (hope this word exists in english)

Stefan was telling a story, but we weren't really listening. »... and then a wolf came down from the mountains and ate a German.« »What,« we said, »ate a human?« »Not human,« he sighed. »GERMAN.«

The Toffelwutzi (Wutzinus officinalis) is matter of dispute in german online community. Today its natural habitat shriks rapidly and many subspecies disapeared. Only because of its characteristic ulcerogenic behavior it is barely seen in the wild. The Toffelwutzi apears in site statistics of the Assoziations-Blaster. The automatic, non-linear real-time-linking texts show no coherence at all, but scientists predict Toffelwutzis may be seen in hunting-grounds for years if it is in the public eye.