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It's not that I like beeing self-destructive, but somehow I feel a need to be. I feel a need to drink too much, to take drugs when available, to sleep in a diferent bed every week or every day, to drive to fast, to smoke too much, to carry everything to an excess. Doing all this makes me hate myself. I was close to commiting suicide once. I can't maintain a relationship, after a short time with someone I get highly irritable which leads to both of us hating each other and at the same time, however, I don't want the other person to leave me.
Of course such a relationship doesn't work so I'm damned to vainly seek for comfort in meaningless one-night stands and alcoholic excesses.
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